loss and other foolish notions
The last transmission of Kalmor Yintih, the first leader of Jazidal- the capital home world of The Federation of Stellar Systems.
As grand loves go I’ve had my share, more than some get in short lives and less than a few I have known. Vadek wasn’t my first love, far from it. But she was the singularly most important person to have been a part of my long life. Though now, looking back I can’t understand why. We were together for less than a decade and that’s small ‘taters in my two-hundred and thirty-four years yet even now I wonder what she would have thought of all that I became. Would Vadek have approved of the world I helped build?
She was the kind of woman you noticed in a gathering full of interesting people.
I met Vadek when I was eighty-seven. Old enough to be wiser than her years allowed and yet we both fell in love within moments. It’s a funny thing, this new concept of love between species. In my youth it was not done. Oh not for some racial reasons as a few of this time have suggested. It just wasn’t done because of the complexity it caused in a person's life. My people live to beyond two-hundred. Her’s lived to be not even ninety. So I knew, when I fell in love with Vadek that I would part ways with her well before my time came near its end. This did not stop me from loving her, perhaps it made me love her more. Vadek was an un-keepable commodity. She would drift through my life like governments and fashions before her. I would bear witness to Vadek's life and live it with her but she would never be able to bear full witness to my life. It was a worry that weighed heavy on me for that decade. I feared for her departure every day. I would watch her sleep, making sure she still breathed. Vadek was sixty-two when I fell in love with her, she was seventy when she left me broken hearted. Well, at the very least her body left me, her spirit still haunts me in the darker hours of dawn. How sweet what time we had together was. Though now it makes her lack of presence in my life all the harder to bear.
When I was ninety-four my people won the Great War. We threw out our oppressors and formed a new government; the first democracy in six generations on Jazidal. I was held up as the hero of the Great War. The man who saved a world and brought us into the new time. I negotiated the treaty that allowed our entrance into the FSS and yet for all the things I have done it is Vadek I think of now as I make my last moments in this form count. If we had been able to have more of a life together I do not know if I would have become the man I did. I may have preferred to stay at home with my lover rather than to fight in the filthy mud of politics as the leader of a world. However, I was given a path to follow and I followed it well. God will smile upon me when we meet. My only fear now is that Vadek may not be there with God to light my path to the gate. She never believed in our one God, always retaining her beliefs of the three Great Lords of Prodance. She had so much faith, it seeped from her very skin. I never had that much faith, not in three Lords or one God. Though now I am held as the pinnacle of godliness for a man, Vadek was the one with a close connection to God, hers or mine I do not know.
On my two-hundredth birthday my friends, built from generation to generation, gave me the party to outdo any other. I was up for three days celebrating but my dear friend, Pealar, who has known me for sixty-seven years was the only friend to understand why I could not celebrate with total joy. Pealar was too young to have known my great love of this long life but she knew me well enough to see me through my faults and triumphs. I believe Pealar wanted the great Kalmor to love her and I did, but only as a true friend. The lack of depth in my feelings had, unintended by myself, a deeply negative effect on our friendship. Pealar left me a letter when she died on station eight. Out in the depths of the velvet sky of deep, deep space. I will not break her confidence and give away details of that sweet note but with those short words she helped lead me back onto the path I was following before Vadek’s death.
After the Great War was finely finished I lead this world into the hundred years of peace and now we fight again, not the enemy but each other. If Vadek taught me one small thing it was that we are all sent here by god to be loved. It is the highest calling any one of us can have and we are deeply blessed to find it. Eight times in my life I have had great loves and each one of them has taught me meanings I could never have realized on my own. That is the thing of it is it not? That we are sent here to learn not alone, in a temple on the hills of Mardoor but to learn together, through each other we find the path back to God.
In the hundred years of peace there was much debate about the meaning of God, what it was, how our souls came into these forms. The Quantum Society of Mechanics held staunch views. The Republic of Biblical Meaning held such strong views they tried to blow me up three times.
Yet in all the searching I always felt those people missed the essence of the subject. God was not the important part, it was our own experience here that mattered more than any other debatable question.
Vadek believed in many lifetimes, new chances to right the wrongs of our sinful pasts. I never could agree with her on that topic. Pealar and I held much closer views. Perhaps it is the amount of time my kind is given but I have never been able to understand why one would desire more than this single lifetime. I have seen so much in my time. Battled huge wars, followed God and run a world. That lover Vadek wanted more lives, I do not.
I will die now knowing that loss is merely a foolish notion we of the more mortal inclinations have deployed to make us worry. At the Gate I will meet my path’s end, my fate, and I will smile upon myself for God has graced me with a mighty life and I hope a good death.
The Federation of Stellar Systems (FSS) Gazette Editor’s Note: Kalmor Yintih was killed in battle aboard the Ilmytine fighting in the Jazidal civil war. His last known message to his fleet was, “Fight on brave men, for we fight not in hope of victory over worlds or minds, no we fight to conquer all that has trapped us within these walls. I will take you to victory, follow me now and we shall cry out in victorious reign upon this sky.”
Kalmor Yintih was survived by twelve children and fifty-seven grand and great-grandchildren. He was buried next to Vadek in Kaltrow four province. Pealar was the great rebel fighter over the first War, she is honored along with Kalmor.
The shrine on Bedriod moon is a tribute to Kalmor and Pealar’s victories. Vadek was unknown until Kalmor’s last message.