The Emotional Fallout of the Deadbeat
I've heard from so many women just how deeply they still feel connected to the guy who left. When you still have feelings for a man who left you and their own child it can be hard to move on. Keeping a few simple points in mind can help you enjoy the trimesters and not spend your whole pregnancy focused on hurt feelings and regret.
It is so common to reflect back on exes that you wished would be in the picture more than your deadbeat. But for the shake of your sanity focusing your heart on new feelings and releasing the harm a deadbeat causes is important.
Something I have especially noticed is how much deeper my emotions have become since having my son. He has given me the chance to widen my heart (and hips).
We are given these rare opportunities to develop our deeper selves and to strengthen our steely cores.
While processing the emotional fallout of becoming a single parent keep from over analyzing every detail. People tell us who they are, we just have to listen. Staying positive is vital for your health and an easy, healthy pregnancy. Do not let a deadbeat's failings rob you of a spiritually in-tune pregnancy; bond with your little sweet pea and focus on getting ready for the new addition to your family.
Build yourself a strong little bubble of joy and bask in the love you have for your child not the hurt or hate you have for a guy that no longer matters in your life.
We don't blame the dad when a kid messes up and yet the media often sounds like we are always looking at mothers for the mom-shame game when something goes wrong. A very right-wing leaning relative of mine has said many times that if a child's father does not really have the desire to be in the lives of the mother and baby the woman should just end the pregnancy. Single moms have to live with hearing the "values" so many Americans share; that children raised by loving single mommas could never possibly achieve any real merit in life. That at the end of the day, it is men who have the real choices about parenting. This way of thinking is simply wrong.
We hurt children and their single parents by being so terribly narrow mined and rancid about life's beauty. Our blaseness about deadbeats should not be allowed to dampen a baby's young years. Nor should we allow the venom of negativity in our lives from the unenlightened anti-single mother league.
I believe we can all raise beautiful, witty and kind children whatever the parenting dynamic of the home. My sweet son, the little baby who loves nothing more than being held, nursed and sung to, is a reminder of the strength we can gather and the love we can spread.