Let the Sunshine In
Abusers are not bad people per se, they may be charming and kind much of the time. They can hold down great jobs and make friendships last for decades but when they trigger on you it may take time to realize what is going on. Many emotional abusers slowly ratchet up the degree of abuse over many years. It can start out as small put downs, sometimes when you are alone, sometimes in front of people that are important to you.
An abuser will try to control the abused person with any means at their disposal. Money is a powerful way to control someone, from determining what you are allowed to wear because they bought it for you to what food you may consume to controlling what money is spent on within the home.
The most obvious of these tactics is to get a woman to quit her job and become dependent on her husband or boyfriend.
Other ways abusers may control are watching and analyzing the receipts, aggressively asking where or how you got something. Committing on how bad you are with money as a way of undermining your confidence.
Abusers feel they must retain control of their world and once you become a part of that sick world you must be controlled as well. I have known men who would begin to shout or cry if someone tried to go to the movies during the evening all because it was not 'allowed' and the woman was breaking the 'rules' he had set up for her.
Even one case where a man changed locks on a gate in order to keep their wife inside their home while he was away.
Withholding food or medicine is another common tactic. The abuser likes to use their power to make sure you are properly dependent upon them for everything. They want to make you believe that you cannot survive adequately without them.
This is an illusion the abuser carefully crafts for trapping the abused in order to keep them with, dependent and unable to get away from a bad situation.
1 in 3 women will be abused in some form in their lifetime. Emotional abuse can be one of the hardest to heal from because it leaves no outwardly showing battle scares. These articles address the healing process and the signs and systems abusers use to control the abused.